by Sherrie Gonzales-Kolb
It came up for air,
golden and white,
mottled, from underneath
a lily pad,
in that lush green
garden, where tree huggers
om in the lotus
position.
It came up for air,
its large mouth agape,
like those one observes
from a distance. The ones
whose impatient mouths
articulate from tiny brains.
Hi Sherrie,
ReplyDeleteNeat imagery.....I'm not sure the word "ajar" is the best...but I understand you want to use "agape" a couple of lines(verses) later...perhaps "open" ?
Cheers!
I'll add another poem later today or tomorrow latest.
PS: Enjoying the repartees in the PH Poetics & Poetry Discussion forum? Remember you're know by the company you keep!
Hi Mike...your comment was so appreciated. I wasn't quite thrilled with the first two versions, so, your suggestions were taken seriously. When you have a second, please take a look at the new one..."ajar" was, in fact, the wrong word to use.
ReplyDeleteThanks again.
Hi Sherri,
ReplyDeletePerfect! The revised version shouldn't be touched. It's a gem!