The pugilist repulses the fan
with his cauliflower ear,
and flattened nose from
too many blows, even
as she poses
to have her picture
taken with the champ.
Her thick, black-rimmed
glasses and professional
attire defy the avid
spectator’s bloodlust,
and the fighter who
lies beneath her pink
camisole.
~Sherrie Gonzales-Kolb~
This is very good. It took me a few minutes to slowly unravel the story and separate the characters till I, like I always do, got to the pink camisole.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Mike. My husband really loved it...I'm thinking that the word "this avid" instead of how it is now..... What do you think? Do you think it makes it more clear without losing its rhythm?
ReplyDeleteThanks for liking my "Poet with a Unibrow" -- funny, how some people get all riled up over a piece of art, or literture.
One goal I always shoot for is to have an impact on my reader. Mission accomplished.
Avid works. It works in connection with "defy". I think it is good as is.
ReplyDeleteSherrie, I wouldn't change 'the avid' to 'this avid' as it would put too much emphasis on the antagonist and imho the emphasis should be on the protagonist. Perhaps you could change 'the fighter' to 'this fighter' but I like it just the way it is.
ReplyDeleteSherri, loved the imagery, the flow, and this poem's punch! Good one!
ReplyDelete